Today
can suck a giant bag of donkey dicks. Seriously, It's 11 in the
morning, and I'm wondering if now would be a good time to embark on
my new career as an alcoholic!
In
order to collect unemployment, I have to take a Re-employment class,
in a town about an hour away. Not exactly how I want to spend my day,
but, such is life, right? My class was scheduled for last Tuesday, so
I got all of my paperwork done, and headed off to become
re-employable.
As some
of you have experienced first hand, and most of you have heard me
rant like a lunatic about, my GPS hates me. She routinely lies to me,
and tells me to break multiple traffic laws. On this particular day
she decided that I should take every dirt road between Marshfield and
Wisconsin Rapids, even though there was a perfectly nice, PAVED,
state highway which was a more direct route. When the dirt road tour
started to take more than an hour, instead of the allotted 45
minutes, I called to let them know that I would be about 10 minutes
late for the class. The overly efficient secretary informed me that
if I wasn't in the class at the time it started, I wouldn't be
allowed in. So, I turned around, figured out how to get home without
GPS bitch's assistance and went home. Then I had to call and beg the
unemployment gods to let me reschedule the class. Oh joygasms!
Class
was rescheduled for today. Insomnia has been kicking my ass again
lately, and last night was worse than usual. I fell asleep sometime
around 4:30 am, and my alarm went off a little before 6:00, but I
drug my sorry self out of the house and headed south. I did take a
little glee in telling GPS bitch to kiss my ass, when she tried to
turn today's journey into another trek through the cow path's of
Wisconsin. She retaliated by telling me to turn left into a creek.
It was
a nice, sunny, early fall morning, and it was quite pleasant in the
car. It remained a pleasant place to be, right up until I hit the
train tracks at the Wisconsin Rapids city limits. No, that's not
exactly true, I didn't actually get to the tracks. They were already
occupied by a train. A train that wasn't moving.
A
couple of very nice highway workers, stopped at each car, and
explained that the train had blocked off all the roads into town
right now, but they thought it would be fixed shortly. The highway
worker's definition of “shortly” differs from mine. I think
shortly is under 15 minutes or so (5 minutes less than the time until
my class started). The highway worker's “shortly” was an hour and
20 minutes. The ever efficient secretary had no sympathy that I was
being held hostage by Union Pacific, and told me that I should have
planned ahead. I desperately wanted to tell her how asinine that was,
but since I have to make yet another trip there next week, I just
satisfied myself with a fantasy of finding out where she lives,
flattening all her tires, and when she is late for work, remind her
that she should have planned ahead!
It's
still a nice day, so I'm enjoying a leisurely drive back home,
looking at the trees already starting to turn colors, when I come up
behind an Amish buggy. There was oncoming traffic, so I couldn't pass
right away, no big deal. Then the horse pulling the buggy did, what
horses tend to do, and dropped some road apples. I swerved to avoid
them, and right as I did that, the same horse threw a shoe, thankfully
didn't hit anyone in the buggy, but did bounce off my hood and into
my windshield. Nice crease in the hood, and the windshield completely
spiderwebbed.
I swear
I heard GPS bitch laughing when I pulled up the address for the auto
glass place! And I still have to go back next week!
